ARRIVING HOME

December 20:

I have been home for almost 12 hours now and I’m beginning to feel the whiplash from the impact that Haiti has had on me.  There are pieces of my heart sprinkled all over Kay Anj and Cap Haitian now and I couldn’t retrieve them even if I wanted to.  The carousel of chaos that I live in here in the DC area is already in motion and gaining speed…and with one heel dragging and digging into the ground, I am making a futile attempt to slow its pace and thwart the advancement of the inevitable.  I can’t avoid the pace of Northern Virginia…but I do have choices on whether or not I will allow that pace to steal what Haiti has given me.  

I am excited to pick up my daughters in about an hour.  Seeing the harsh reality of the children in Haiti has affected me in many ways.  In addition to the aching in my heart for what these children and mothers endure, there is also gratitude that, for reasons I cannot comprehend, my children have everything they need and more and I have never had to give my children away to ensure that they live another day.  It’s not that I haven’t been aware of the calamity that befalls thousands of human beings on any given day around the globe, and it’s certainly not that I haven’t been affected by “the knowing” before.  I’ve seen deep and real darkness.  I’ve held it and wept with it many times. And I wouldn’t have it any other way because I’ve also had the honor of celebrating the light that covers it when hurting people get what they need.  There is always light.  No matter how dark things may get, the light is never far from it.  

That light is exposing secrets along my path that have been hiding until just the right moment.  That moment has come.  God has been pouring new and deeper truths into my heart this week and dropping glimpses of his plans and desires for me and the gifts that I bring to the world.  He is also reminding me not to spend too much time soaking in the pool of emotions I am now neck deep in, so as not to drown in its hidden vanity and futility.

It is a wonderful thing to be reminded of all that we have, but what then?  Do we simply pat less fortunate heads and say “Thanks for the extra helping of gratitude!  I feel so good and I will think of you while I”m enjoying this newfound appreciation and all of the privileges that are attached to it.”  

I know that may sound harsh, but it’s just what is on my heart right now.  Most of us talk a big game and I am no different.  We can easily get caught up in a moment of urgency and then when things get hard or when we are distracted by a shiny, new blessing, the clouds of  discouragement come threatening. Before we know it, we can find ourselves soaked and dripping with apathy.

So we are grateful.  Big freaking deal.  Good for us.

Looking back at the week, I am grappling for what I’m not at all grateful for.  I’m clinging to the things that will keep me awake at night and bring me tearfully to my knees in the morning.  I already have a grateful heart and an endless supply of joy and love to share with the world that comes directly from Love itself.  I don’t need a bigger helping of gratitude as much as I need a few new cracks in my broken heart.  I”m no martyr and I’m not seeking unnecessary suffering.  I just want to make sure that I always embrace the uglier truths of life so that my heart will remain pliable for the constant sculpting that is needed in order to become a masterpiece for God.  

Sometimes, we are given gifts that we don’t want and didn’t ask for.  Debbie and Bill Harvey, founders of Helping Haitian Angels, were given one of those gifts 7 years ago when they found a run-down building full of abandoned, dying children in Haiti.  Because they said yes and because they continue to say yes every day, that gift has grown into a 40-acre village that is creating a new generation of forward-thinking leaders who will care for and breathe new life into Haiti and its people in powerful ways.  The shift is in motion and hope is gaining momentum as these kids who were found on death’s door are now thriving physically, emotionally and spiritually as they round the corner into adulthood.

  

But a gift as great as this does not claim its value from good intentions and a bleeding, grateful heart.  It has taken an enormous commitment from everyone involved, divinely assembled partnerships, prayer warriors, mistakes that birthed knowledge, responsible stewardship of generous donations and unshakable faith (just to name a few).  It has been an honor to walk alongside of HHA this week and become a part of what they are doing, not just in Haiti, but here in my community.  Lives have been changed, minds have been opened, faith has been stretched (including mine). God’s plans are so big and we can’t forget that, when even one person is touched by His love, we are all touched by it.  What happens in Haiti or Haymarket can be felt around the globe, whether good or bad.  Everything matters.

Ready for Take Off...

Day 1:

Another night of little sleep.  The excitement was too much and I got in a power nap of about 20 minutes before my alarm woke me up at 2:30am.  I met the Harvey’s at their home and we were off to the airport.  Debbie and I checked the bags full of Christmas presents for the kids and sached through TSA rather quickly.  We were just about to settle into our seats at the gate when a man approached me and told me that I left my phone at TSA.  Awesome.  He proceeded to explain that a man behind me told the guard he would find me and give it to me.  I feared that someone had just picked themselves up a new iPhone at my expense but when we called my phone, a man did answer and said he was trying to find me.  He was afraid he would miss his flight and was pretty far away so he said he would take it back to TSA.  I had about 20 minutes before the flight left.

I felt like I could make it, so I high-tailed it back to the shuttle and then back to TSA…but to no avail.  It wasn’t there.  I began the full out sprint back to the terminal.  I knew in my heart that my phone would be turned in so I wasn’t worried anymore about having to replace it.  Now my focus was on making my flight.  As I turned the last corner, I could see Nelson (the man who told me about my phone) and Debbie standing at an empty gate waving at me.  When I saw them, I breathed a sigh of relief but judging from the empty gate, I knew two things: 

1 - Debbie was not going to miss her flight waiting for me.

2 – She and Nelson were the last two people standing at our gate, so that meant I had better step it up if I wanted to make my flight.

Unbeknownst to me, they were calling our names as I was rounding that last corner and telling Debbie they were leaving now.  She had to be on that plane, so she had already left my passport with the staff at the gate so that they could give it to me when I made it back.  But I made it on that plane without a second to spare…literally.  

As I settled into my seat and wiped the sweat off of my forehead, I wanted to reach for my phone to text my daughters about what had just happened…oh yeah.  I felt a bit uneasy about leaving the country for the first time and not being able to communicate very easily with my loved ones.  I knew I would have my laptop to use at night when we were at the hotel, but it wasn’t the same and I couldn’t text or face time anyone unless I used someone else’s phone.  It didn’t help that the only phone number I remembered in my entire contact list was my ex husband’s because my parents and daughters recently purchased new phones.  I was mostly upset because all of my GROOVE and drumming music and playlists was on my phone and now I had no music.  As I thought about all of this, I became frustrated and I quickly gave myself a spiritual slap in the face…”You are NOT going to let this jack your Haiti GROOVE!”  I told myself.  “You are finally on your way, so stay in THAT moment instead of being pulled down by the negative energy of wanting something you simply were not meant to take with you on this trip.”  I loosened my grip on it.  And that’s when I felt it…A sense of calm and confidence that the only phone I was going to need on this trip was the one that dials direct to The Source.   The more I let go of my worldly phone, the more clearly I could see that the enemy was on my back trying to keep me off that plane.  But here I was, watching DC grow smaller and smaller while God grew bigger and bigger.  And before I knew it, I was birthing a victorious laugh that kicked up from my belly and plowed its way right out of my mouth.   I’m not even there yet, and this is getting good!

“For the LORD of hosts has planned, and who can frustrate it? And as for His stretched-out hand, who can turn it back?" – Isaiah 14:27

Dailing In...

December 12 - The Day Before I Leave:

I have had very little sleep in the past 48 hours.  Friday night, I went out dancing after work just to use up some of the wild current of energy that was pulsing through my veins.  I finally came home at around 1:30am dripping in GROOVE sweat and still couldn’t sleep.   After about an hour of lying there, I was finally able to get a few hours of sleep before waking up from a disturbing dream.  I rarely recall my dreams, so when I do, I pay attention to what God and His beautiful Universe might have to say to me. 

In my dream, I got into an elevator and hit the button to go up.  When I got to my destination floor, the doors would not open.  The elevator and I just sat there like a teenager whose just been told to take out the trash.  I decided to see what would happen if I just went back down to the floor I started from and maybe I could get out of the elevator that was now making me feel a little trapped.  It got back to my starting point and the doors would not open.  From there, I kept pushing buttons and the elevator proceeded to take me up and down and up and down.  This linear roller coaster ride went on for a while and then suddenly, I hit another button I hadn’t hit before.  The elevator stopped for a moment and then rolled right off the track it was on and moved out of the building and into the streets.  The self in the dream could not see out of the elevator but I, as the dreamer, had a broader vision,  The self inside that elevator was growing increasingly frightened.  I feared I would slam into a wall or off a cliff or who knows what else at any moment and I was beginning to worry about not being able to breathe.  Suddenly I remembered my phone was in my pocket!  I called 911 and though fear was gripping my throat, I was comforted to hear a voice on the other end of the line.   But when I opened my mouth to speak, few words came out.  Instead tears gushed down my face and my short, urgent breaths reigned over my words.   The voice on the other end was calm and began to speak to me.  That voice knew what I needed and the more I heard it speak, the deeper the calm spread within me.  I was beginnig to understand that, just because I couldn’t speak, that voice wasn’t going to hang up on me.  It stayed with me until I could get words out.  Right about the time the words began to flow, I woke up.

That same sense of entrapment and fear I was feeling in my dream was like a dark, eerie fog, all around my awakened state and I couldn’t go back to sleep.  My mind was trying to comprehend what this dream was all about and it didn’t take long to figure it out once I started journaling about it.  As I typed the first letters, the answer just came pouring out onto the page. 

Throughout my adult life, I have struggled with certain thought patterns that have been keeping me stuck and causing me unnecessary struggles that stem from feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy.   For the last few weeks, however, I have returned to the fruitful ritual of spending more time in prayer and meditation each morning and night and being more intentional about how I approach and move into my day.   So, as I was journaling, it all became quickly clear that the elevator represented the linear path of up and down motion I have been stuck on for so long.  And God was letting me know that He was taking me off of this track and sending me out into the world (ironically, the day before I take my first trip out of the country).  I don’t know exactly know where He is taking me and it’s scary.  In some ways I am a courageous lion and in other ways, I am just a terrified puppy.  The fear of not being enough and letting people down scares me and I know I will wrestle with these.  I don’t want to feel the feelings that are coming when my inadequacies show themselves loudly and when I disappoint (even when it is necessary), but I have to feel and embrace them if I’m going to grow.   I did not realize how afraid I have been of this…and of my own power and strengths (which are really not my own).  I was so terrified in that elevator once it began moving that I could barely speak.  God reminded me very quickly that help was only a phone call away…but I had to pick up the damn phone and dial if I wanted it.  That’s what I’ve been doing.  Dialing in.  And He is moving me exactly where I need to go.  And whenever I feel afraid, He is reminding me that I am not alone and that I’m going to be ok as long as I stay on the line. 

So, off I go in my elevator...with my phone in my back pocket.  If I was ever going to be addicted to my phone, now is the time.

Humanity on a Swing

Of all of the wonderful things to experience in this beautiful life, for me, there is nothing quite as freeing and perfect as dancing.  Within that realm, something divine takes place.  It is a balm for my soul, whether I am feeling intense sadness or overwhelming joy…or both at the same time.  It is like a key that unlocks and dislodges stress, trauma, fear and other spirit-crushing elements that literally grip our insides and take up residence within our cells, tissue and organs.

As a woman who has come through her own valley of sexual and emotional abuse, I have been blessed with an opportunity to assist others who are further behind me on the road to healing from similar events and I’ve seen what dance can do for all of us.  But you don’t have to be a survivor of trauma to experience the true power of dance.  We are all survivors of struggles of different colors and shapes.  We all experience pain, joy, grief, love, hate, stress, anger, fear, anxiety, gratitude and a slew of other emotions on the spirit-flesh spectrum.  And when we move in non-judging, authentic ways to music that inspires us, we enter into a place where the chains of life in the flesh cannot hold us.  But we have to be willing to step onto that DanceFloor.

When GROOVE found me, over four years ago, I was not in a good place.  My life was in chaos and it was about to take another turn that would make my then reality look like a cake walk.  But GROOVE took me through the center of a storm of debilitating self-doubts and fears and brought me to the other side where the real me came pouring out, one dance step at a time until I began to ooze Karen everywhere!  That doesn’t mean I have it all together or that I ever will.  You will know I’ve reached that point when you get the call that I have passed on to the other side…until then, it’s safe to say that I am a joyful mess.

And even with all that GROOVE has done for me, what I marvel at and am most thankful for is what I have seen it do for others right before my eyes.  Every day, I am watching children and adults from ages 3-103 get free through the beautiful process of dance and movement.  Last week, I gave a private class to a group of women at the resort where I teach and after the very first song, one of the women declared from a beaming countenance “I feel so free!”  My heart leapt for her because I have danced in those same shoes.  When the class was over they commented on how much they appreciated the nonjudgmental atmosphere of the class.  They were used to classes and instructors who would put you in the back of the class if you “messed up” too many times.  But here, they were experiencing what it means to just dance and to embrace doing it your own way.   I shared with them that I was about to bring the GROOVE experience to an orphanage in Haiti and I told them a story that one of the founders of the orphanage shared with me recently.  She talked about a 12-year old restavek girl who had been brought to the orphanage this past spring and it was there she had her first moment ever on a swing set.  They were showing her how to pump her little legs to keep the momentum going and as the swing began to take her higher and higher, she let out a sound from the depths of her belly that seemed to emancipate every captive thought, feeling and word that had been held inside her abused little body for so long.  All of the ugly trauma became dislodged from hidden places and psalms of freedom came pouring out of her mouth through the movement of rising into the sky on a leather seat like a bird taking flight for the very first time.  I told these women that dancing has the same kind of effect, especially when you are given the opportunity to dance in a safe environment with other participants in the course of humanity.  That is where we are reminded that we are never alone in this world and that is where we can connect with our own power and beauty in loving ways.  Upon saying that, I saw tears of truth dripping from these women’s eyes….Another lie bites the dust.

And then there was the icing on the GROOVE cake when my little 8 and 5 year old GROOVE sisters who often come to class with their mother joined in and shared their brave, beautiful energy with us.  The older sister even put her own “mark” on one of the moves we were doing and we all just went with it because it was ridiculous fun and rather bad ass!  I love that she felt confident enough to explore her creativity in our presence.  At the end of the class, she came over to me and said “It’s so cool that you wear all those yarns in your hair, you do GROOVE and you just do whatever you want.”

As a poser adult, I resisted the urge to give her a fist bump and say “That’s right, Sister! I do whatever I want and I am the boss of me!” and instead opted to take the high road (despite getting lost there often, due to lack of familiarity).   I communicated the difference between doing whatever I want and doing what I love. I can’t do what I love for long if I always do whatever I want.  I mean, let’s face it, if I could do whatever I want, I would dance and bang on the drum all day…so instead, I do that for for a portion of most days and then I do other, adultey kind of stuff that I cannot yet afford to pay real adults to do for me.  

That exchange between me and this 8-year old girl was very reassuring.  It reminded me that I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I was meant to do.  I love that this young girl sees the authentic nature of GROOVE and that she, while in the middle of the war on her gifts and purpose that starts in elementary school, has not been peppered by the shaming shrapnel flying all around her.   She has OUTSTANDING parents, a supportive community and a brilliant personality…and, among many other fine things, she has GROOVE.  If only every child could begin with all that.

I didn’t create the GROOVE Movement.  It was created by a truth warrior named Misty Tripoli.  But I have adopted it and nurtured its growth in my community as though it were my own child, because it has extraordinary value in life-changing ways.  We all need a little help (or a lot) raising our children.  Even in the best of circumstances, all children need support and love from their community.  I have been blessed with supporters and lovers of all things GROOVE that are helping me grow this beautiful gift that keeps on giving.  

In less than 5 days, I will have the honor of bringing the GROOVE for Kids to a community of children who I would guess are far more free in far more ways than most of us here in the U.S.  It is a humbling opportunity that I expect to learn a great deal from.  There will be many new experiences for me, but one thing remains universal.  We all speak the language of humanity in our own, unique ways.  We were not meant to express that language as watered-down versions of ourselves.  We need not apologize for how we express being in our own skin.  Our differences are something to celebrate and appreciate about each other.   I am about to witness the beauty of human differences in a whole new way and language.  There will be much to celebrate.  Haiti awaits like a vacant swing set.  Here, I will learn how to dip my toes in the sky and influence momentum…and let go of any monsters left in the depths of my belly.  Here I will sing out in a new language spoken by angels so that I may speak it to others after I leave that playground.    

COUNT DOWN

I am now on the backside of the one-week countdown before I take off for my first trip out of the country.  The right moment and purpose have come together and I am eager to witness what is in store for me and everyone else involved in this trip.  I have no idea what relationships will be formed, what lessons will be learned, what new walls will come tumbling down within my heart, etc…I only know that all of that and more will happen without fail.

I don’t always do exactly what God tells me to do (and that is a huge understatement, if I’m being totally honest), but when I felt Him calling me to this, I ran toward it with reckless abandon.  I know it was the right decision because He has done nothing but pour His blessings all over this endeavor and has drawn me closer and closer to Him at a time when I needed Him to remind me who I am and why I am here.  He has blessed me with a tremendous amount of support for this trip from so many loved ones in my life and even some folks I barely know.  After 2 more generous donations just today, we are dollars away from the $2,000 mark on a $1,000 goal!  I haven’t even touched Haitian soil yet and we are already well on our way to funding a second trip with my oldest daughter that will take place in 2016 !  As if that were not enough all by itself, He also matched me with exactly the right people to grow and learn from.  The more I speak with Debbie and Bill Harvey, founders of Helping Haitian Angels, the more I fall in love with not just WHAT they are doing but HOW they are approaching their mission.  They have humbly shared some of the lessons they have learned from mistakes made out of good intentions, but because they were seeking to see what was before them through God’s eyes and not their own and because they take the time to stop, listen, learn and seek His guidance over everything they do, they have been blessed with His favor and wisdom.  It hasn’t come without its challenges and struggles and any human being will be quick to agree that none of us are getting out of this life without challenges.   But even those come bearing gifts of beauty and growth and that is exactly what the this brave couple are harvesting…growth, wisdom, experience, etc. and these are being passed on to fools like me who need to be reminded all the time which way is up.  

So far, there isn’t one bone within the confines of my flesh that is anxious or concerned about any aspect of this trip.  There is nothing for me to second-guess about my decision or desire to experience whatever is in store for me.  I know I have been put in the best hands possible and those hands were lovingly selected by the Great I AM to change lives…not just lives in Haiti, but also (and especially) those of us who live in a very different world…a world that is crying out for more by way of less…More God and less self, more joy and less apathy, more internal wealth and less stuff.  

As I begin to pack my bag, there is nothing I can bring with me that will prepare me for all the ways that Helping Haitian Angels, the community around Cap Haitian and its children will ROCK MY WORLD.  All I know is that I am ready to be torn inside out and have my heart handed to me by tiny, loving hands.  I am ready for all that I’m not ready for.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWEmf6_o6Dk

Faith Around the Bend...

Thanksgiving Day:

I found a picture of my daughters that I took several years ago during a hike on my birthday.  It is my absolute favorite picture of them because it perfectly captures the nature of their relationship.  They have their ill moments, as all sisters do, and they are quite different from each other.  There are plenty of things they don’t see eye to eye on and they don’t always understand each other.  They argue.  They push each others’ buttons.  But they also protect each other.  They hug each other and exchange "I love you"s.  They laugh and poke fun at each together.  They help each other and compliment each other.  They like and appreciate each others’ friends and their friends return the love.  Often when my daughters express their love or appreciation for each other, they do it in a lackadaisical, “I guess you’re alright now and then” kind of way. 

When I look at this picture of the two of them, inching along a winding trail with arms casually wrapped around each other, the mother in me beams with gratitude and at the same time, I notice the bend coming up ahead in the road for them.  Like all of us, they are walking down a path with a fistful of plans and good intentions while the vast majority of their travels will be laced with uncertainty.   As a parent, I am accustomed to walking ahead of them…charging the darkness and watching for dangers…learning and growing so that I can have more to give them.  But this rare view of walking behind them and watching these innocent, unknowing pieces of my mind, body and spirit go blindly toward what cannot be seen around the curve of the trail leaves my heart pounding with ambivalence.  On one hand, I know they will be there for each other when it really counts.  But there is much trouble in this world and even the strongest, bravest souls can fall at the hands of evil and chaos.  There are no guarantees that we will always be spared from attack, that we will be clothed, fed, etc.  But we do have the guarantee of Hope.  The sun comes up every day because the Great I Am who created it and everything under it says with its rising “I love you…and there is more for us to do today.”  I am encouraged to see that my daughters know how to unite and be there for each other when it counts.  I am encouraged knowing that just beyond that bend lies more answers for them about what their mission is here on planet earth and each step will make them stronger and more sufficiently equipped for the obstacles that will surely come.  I won’t always be there to fight off the winds and the wickedness and thankfully, I won’t have to.  They are learning how to tap into an endless supply of unshakable truth, love and power and be their own warriors.  

As I prepare and share my excitement for the Haitian adventure I am about to embark on, I have felt the sting of motherly guilt and wondered if I am doing the right thing, running off to another part of the world to share some of that endless supply of truth, love and power with other children while my daughters (and parents) may miss and worry about me.  I have entertained the self-accusation of maternal negligence.  I have listened to questions and comments about the purpose of going to Haiti when there are so many children right here under our noses who are suffering and are also in need of physical, emotional and spiritual nourishment.  They have valid and reasonable questions and I have an equally valid and reasonable answer:  "I did not create my purpose or calling.  I am simply following my intuition that never leads me down the wrong path.  No one else need understand."

Some may not know that I have spent much of my adult life empowering and encouraging youth in my own community who come from all backgrounds, races, etc.  My heart is especially drawn to those who have suffered abuses and, as a result may endure many emotional struggles and gross misrepresentation, leaving them further isolated and shamed.  I am one of those children and I get it.  My own childhood suffering has been transcended into something solid that can bring, not just healing, but real joy and passion for many children, no matter what part of the planet they may be assigned to.  I have given much to the youth in my community and will continue to do that.  My experiences in Haiti will only bring more life and love into what I can do here and vice versa.  I have so much to learn from Helping Haitian Angels as an organization and from the children they serve and I’m incredibly grateful for this opportunity to grow and also to show my daughters what it looks like to follow your calling, even when it doesn’t always make sense to you or others.  

So those accusing darts of self-doubt that I sometimes let sting me for a moment or two are quickly touched by the hand of God like a mother’s healing kiss to a boo-boo.  I am reminded that I am not the mastermind of this story.  I am a pen with just enough ink for the next word.  That’s it.  So I write one word at a time knowing that I will be given the right words if I’m paying attention.  In doing so, I receive the gift of knowing those words will bring more of that love, truth and power into the hearts of others.  I can’t think of anything I could be more grateful for…except maybe that photograph.

Less Is More

I’ve been going through music and dance moves and making a playlist for my time in Haiti with the kids of Kay Anj.  I’ve been enjoying the process and thinking about all I will gain and learn from them because I’m showing up with no titles or formal training to speak of.  All I have to offer is passion and joy…and that is enough. I know myself.  If I had a lifetime of training, I would be tempted to rely more on what I think I “know” and put the joy of what I do and why I do it in the back seat (because, like most of us, I prefer to look or at least feel like a Rock Star at everything I do).  But the truth is, I’m just an idiot with a little bit of rhythm, some drumsticks and a deep desire to inspire a global embracing of the human condition through the courageous beauty of creative expression.  No one is expecting Ginger Rodgers or Ginger Baker.  So the perfectionism that would normally begin spewing joy-sucking venom at me during this process is taking a proper beating right now by a band of angels who are not concerned with titles, training or anything else I think I might “know” or “not know”.  I’m guessing they just want to see LOVE show up in their lives…that’s pretty much the bottom line.

So the pressure to perform in ways that may be beyond my knowledge or capabilities and really, the pressure to “perform” at all, quickly faded into the back beat.  I could now bask in the liberating process of putting my playlist together by just listening and day dreaming and not having some grand expectations because we all know that few things ever play out quite as we envision them.  And that’s when God went all “Jericho” on me.  Without warning, my cup overflowed into weeping at the mere thought of meeting these children, let alone sharing something so emotional and spiritual as dance and music with each other.  And, in that moment of overwhelm, in true fashion with His history, another wall deep inside my heart that had been put up at some point over the last 47 years came tumbling down and freedom came singing out from the rubble.  I have no idea even still what exactly happened.  I can only describe it as a swift removal of yet another layer of my baggage that God does not intend for me to take on the plane to Cap Haitian.  With a God like Him, everyone wins.  He didn’t just tear down an obdurate wall of pride for my personal benefit. He is also preparing this drumstick-wielding joker for whatever is necessary to carry out His purpose for my time in this place so that the children, as well as the guardian adults, can be spared of my self-doubt or self-importance at a wide range of levels.   I have not even touched Haitian soil yet and God is already turning my world inside out.  Tonight He made it clear that, while He may come in gangbuster, it is often through the path of less is more.  Fortunately for everyone, my role is less.

(Letter from September, 2015)
Dear Friends and Family,

I’ve been sitting here for a while now, not knowing where to start.  So after disturbing a few patrons in this coffee shop with an open-mouthed (almost to the point of drooling), blank stare on my face, I will start with a spirited “Thank You”!  If you are reading this, it is likely that you have prayed for me and my family, you have supported us through many trials and triumphs, you have inspired us and given much of yourselves and your story, or you have expressed an interest in the things that light a fire in me and all of these have been poured out and sprinkled over my life as riches more valuable than anything this world can measure.  So thank you from the deepest places of my heart and soul.  

I will try to make this brief.  I’ve been living in a safe, little box for much of my life and it took some painful experiences to shake that box up and dump me out onto the terrain of a deeper faith.  I’d be lying if I said I don’t often try to crawl back in the box on a regular basis, but I keep finding that I no longer fit in it.  God is funny like that.  Earlier this year, a friend and I were talking about getting a passport and seeing the world.  We talked about where we might go and what we would like to do, but I wasn’t sure how it would all happen or where I would end up first.  I just knew that I was supposed to get out there and watch God’s plan evolve from there…following the lamplight.  Given my current circumstances, this idea didn’t make a lot of sense.  “Rational Karen” chimed in immediately…”How is your broke ass going to do that?  You can barely get to work, let alone get out of the country.  HA! HA! HA! HA!”  Thankfully, “Rational Karen” doesn’t have much clout in the magical amusement park where my Entelechy resides.  And no sooner did I put that intention out in the world was I brought to my knees by a photograph.  It was from a Facebook post from Helping Haitian Angels (HHA) of a young Haitian girl, wearing a bright, colorful shirt with happy sentiments on it, yet her face reflected something very different.  The post read:  

“We were blessed with a precious new Angel yesterday. Her name is Loudridge and she's 12 years old. Loudridge is our Bendys Younger sister. This is where Haiti is hard… Loudridge was a Restavek. A restavek is a child slave. Loudridge came to us with bruises covering her body. We are grateful that God brought her to us to heal. She is back with her brother and now has a huge family who will love and respect her. We are asking that all of you please pray for Loudridge. Heavenly father we ask you to bless precious Loudridge with peace, comfort and faith in you that she will now know her future can be bright.”

I could not have been more “over” if Lenny Kravitz had walked into the room and asked me to tour with him (doing what I have no idea…playing cowbell maybe).  A week later, I was meeting with one of the founders of HHA and we were making plans.  It is all coming together now and my passport is perched on my nightstand, awaiting our first adventure.  The trip is set for December 13 and I will be spending much of the time dancing with the children at the orphanage and a nearby school.  I am both terrified and thrilled.  Thrilled because I know of nothing more beautiful, joyful and human than dancing with other human beings (especially children) and sharing the freeing power it holds for all of us as a universal language and experience.  Terrified for the same reasons…because I’m getting what I asked for…and, because I know how God rolls…I know I will be getting much more than that.

I find it important to share that within a week or so, there were more posts of Loudridge and within that short span of time, her countenance in these photos had changed considerably.  There was a light that had returned from her eyes.  Though I have never met her, I use the word “returned” because we are all born with that light…but life can cover it up.  It cannot snuff it out, try as it may.  It can only cover, like dirt on a diamond.  HHA had loved that darkness out of the way and revealed the light that would not be denied.  That is the power of God’s Love being poured out on His children by His children. We can overcome anything…ANYTHING…when we know we are loved, understood, supported and that we are NOT ALONE.  Darkness doesn’t have a shot in Hell when the Light shows up.  HHA is a blinding light in the middle of a dark night and I find myself bowing down in humility at the opportunity to enter into the light of this ministry and every beautiful soul involved and add to its power.  

What is also very exciting to me is that both of my daughters have now been inspired to go as well!  Audrey is not old enough to go yet, but we are praying about Rachel’s first trip, which we hope will be this Spring, if not sooner.  I don’t know exactly what God’s plan is for all of this, and I don’t need to know.  All I need to know and all I care about is the fact that He has a plan and He has given me and my daughters the honor of being a part of it.   We are all called to different passions and journeys.  Wherever you are and whatever your calling, I salute and support you and I ask that you take this journey with me, with my daughters and with HHA.  Whether that means donating money or supplies for this trip (listed below in this letter), prayers, hugs, reading the updates as we move forward and sending good vibes, etc., I thank you in advance for allowing me to take you along on this adventure.  Now…shall we dance?

Beauty for Ashes,

Karen King
karendavisking@gmail.com

Here is a list of some supplies I would like to bring to on this trip to enhance the experience of speaking the language of music and dance.  These items will become the property of Kay Anj for the children to continue using on a daily basis.   To learn more about HHA and upcoming opportunities to help/serve, go to:  http://www.helpinghaitianangels.org

Drumsticks 
Hand drums 
Kahona
Egg shakers
Tambourines
Colorful, dancing scarves (nothing fancy - these can be purchased through sites like Oriental Trading Co)
Finger lights (LOTS and LOTS of them)!