I found a picture of my daughters that I took several years ago during a hike on my birthday. It is my absolute favorite picture of them because it perfectly captures the nature of their relationship. They have their ill moments, as all sisters do, and they are quite different from each other. There are plenty of things they don’t see eye to eye on and they don’t always understand each other. They argue. They push each others’ buttons. But they also protect each other. They hug each other and exchange "I love you"s. They laugh and poke fun at each together. They help each other and compliment each other. They like and appreciate each others’ friends and their friends return the love. Often when my daughters express their love or appreciation for each other, they do it in a lackadaisical, “I guess you’re alright now and then” kind of way.
When I look at this picture of the two of them, inching along a winding trail with arms casually wrapped around each other, the mother in me beams with gratitude and at the same time, I notice the bend coming up ahead in the road for them. Like all of us, they are walking down a path with a fistful of plans and good intentions while the vast majority of their travels will be laced with uncertainty. As a parent, I am accustomed to walking ahead of them…charging the darkness and watching for dangers…learning and growing so that I can have more to give them. But this rare view of walking behind them and watching these innocent, unknowing pieces of my mind, body and spirit go blindly toward what cannot be seen around the curve of the trail leaves my heart pounding with ambivalence. On one hand, I know they will be there for each other when it really counts. But there is much trouble in this world and even the strongest, bravest souls can fall at the hands of evil and chaos. There are no guarantees that we will always be spared from attack, that we will be clothed, fed, etc. But we do have the guarantee of Hope. The sun comes up every day because the Great I Am who created it and everything under it says with its rising “I love you…and there is more for us to do today.” I am encouraged to see that my daughters know how to unite and be there for each other when it counts. I am encouraged knowing that just beyond that bend lies more answers for them about what their mission is here on planet earth and each step will make them stronger and more sufficiently equipped for the obstacles that will surely come. I won’t always be there to fight off the winds and the wickedness and thankfully, I won’t have to. They are learning how to tap into an endless supply of unshakable truth, love and power and be their own warriors.
As I prepare and share my excitement for the Haitian adventure I am about to embark on, I have felt the sting of motherly guilt and wondered if I am doing the right thing, running off to another part of the world to share some of that endless supply of truth, love and power with other children while my daughters (and parents) may miss and worry about me. I have entertained the self-accusation of maternal negligence. I have listened to questions and comments about the purpose of going to Haiti when there are so many children right here under our noses who are suffering and are also in need of physical, emotional and spiritual nourishment. They have valid and reasonable questions and I have an equally valid and reasonable answer: "I did not create my purpose or calling. I am simply following my intuition that never leads me down the wrong path. No one else need understand."
Some may not know that I have spent much of my adult life empowering and encouraging youth in my own community who come from all backgrounds, races, etc. My heart is especially drawn to those who have suffered abuses and, as a result may endure many emotional struggles and gross misrepresentation, leaving them further isolated and shamed. I am one of those children and I get it. My own childhood suffering has been transcended into something solid that can bring, not just healing, but real joy and passion for many children, no matter what part of the planet they may be assigned to. I have given much to the youth in my community and will continue to do that. My experiences in Haiti will only bring more life and love into what I can do here and vice versa. I have so much to learn from Helping Haitian Angels as an organization and from the children they serve and I’m incredibly grateful for this opportunity to grow and also to show my daughters what it looks like to follow your calling, even when it doesn’t always make sense to you or others.
So those accusing darts of self-doubt that I sometimes let sting me for a moment or two are quickly touched by the hand of God like a mother’s healing kiss to a boo-boo. I am reminded that I am not the mastermind of this story. I am a pen with just enough ink for the next word. That’s it. So I write one word at a time knowing that I will be given the right words if I’m paying attention. In doing so, I receive the gift of knowing those words will bring more of that love, truth and power into the hearts of others. I can’t think of anything I could be more grateful for…except maybe that photograph.
